Reverse Bucket List - Chaplain Rainy Larson

In the popular movie, “The Bucket List,” Jack Nicolson and Morgan Freeman become friends in the hospital when both men are diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. Together they travel the world with a list of things to do before, as they describe, “kick the bucket.”  With no expense spared they: skydive, visit exotic places, fly over the North Pole, drive motorcycles on the Great Wall of China and go on safari in Africa. In the end what they realize is that although those experiences had value, their true heart’s desire was to be loved and to give love in return. In the film, Nicholson reveals that he wanted reconciliation with his estranged daughter; Freeman’s wish was to reconnect romantically with his wife of many years.

We all have a bucket list, things we hope to accomplish and things we’d like to do in our lifetime. Our dreams keep us vibrant, hope-filled and give us a reason to keep working hard. Some people go on to accomplish great things, travel the world and lead lives that from a distance seem extraordinary. The truth is, most of us lead lives that are filled with more ordinary than extraordinary moments, limited travel and accomplishments that do not make the front page.

When cancer is treatable but not curable, our palliative patients begin to think about their own “bucket list.” Often they dream of one last trip to an exotic location, a motorcycle ride through Yellowstone or fishing in Alaska. Some are able to cross these last wishes off their list, yet others become too ill to accomplish those far away dreams and their list of life’s goals suddenly hits closer to home. When the body no longer has energy for dreaming, walking a daughter down the aisle, seeing a grandchild graduate from college, or spending time with family and friends becomes the essence of meaning and purpose in a person’s life. The simplest pleasures in life are the most extraordinary moments of giving love and feeling loved in return.

Our newly formed palliative support group IMAGO at the Tri-Cities Cancer Center is the exact right place for individuals who know that their disease is not curable, but understand that they have some living yet to do. We talk about what is valuable and meaningful to them in light of the time they have left. Many do not have big goals, they want what Nicholson and Freeman ultimately wanted: to be loved, and to know that their life has made a difference to others.  We began the support group because our patients requested a place where they might talk about their particular needs, what we are learning from them is that the bucket list is far simpler than it seems to be. In the end Nicholson and Freeman derived deep joy from “laughing till they cried,” and “helping a stranger for good.” These ordinary moments that give extraordinary joy are the first things on my bucket list.

Chaplain Rainy Larson M Div., BCC
Tri Cities Cancer Center
Tri Cities Chaplaincy